Another week… this past weekend .. I did not do anything useful… I did get a chance to see Fantastic 4 with my friends… but it make me feel really sad … when I saw Ben’s wife gave back her ring to him… It made me really sad…. Funny… out of the entire movie and that is what I remembered? All I have to say is I know how he feels…. IT HURTS!!! IT HURTS ALOT!
I just feel like I am drifting…I dont know what to do…. If I force Hsiu Hsiu and I together… it is not going to be good. So if I know that why am I so sad and depressed. Everyday I think about her… she probably don’t think about me as much… or else she would call right? I am sure she is thinking of the same… then again… she did say… what good is thinking … I am a person with no actions. Am I really that person?so time I am wondering what am I doing here in Ephrata? Why am I here in Washington state? Am I here because of the job? Am I here because of the money? Am I here because it is closer to Taiwan than anywhere else in the US so Hsiu Hsiu can go back to Taiwan with a direct flight? Why am I here? I don’t know …
People say … you will be over it… you need to get over it… I don’t know if I can… I don’t know if I want to… I don’t know ….
My friends are telling me that I have changed lately… they say I am more irritated, I have a really short fuse lately.. I am not the smiley person I was … I don’t know…
I feel really sad and depressed… I miss her and why will it not work? should I just quite my job? will it make it better if I move over to China? Will I be happy? Will everything be better?
My family spend over a decade getting our citizenship in US.. and I am thinking about leaving? No, no I am not… There are times when I feel that if the fundamental ideas between us don’t even work out how will this relationship ever will work out? So what is the ultimate goal? We both agreed that it is to be happy together and have a happy family. How hard is that? Is that too much to ask for? I am not a person with our a career and no future… why is it so hard to reach that goal… why do we have to think about CHINA or US? Everyone else in the world wants to come to the US for a live and I am trying to convince a girl to come and live in the US? What is wrong with living in the US?
All this stuff is really point less… maybe she already forgot about me and I am just here babbling… everything is pointless….
so why am I so sad and depressed?
Maybe I need something to eat?